By Tom Wilbur
Life is filled with amazing moments. We’re born. We live. We die.
And tucked in the middle there’s all kinds of interesting stuff. Growing up. Attending school. Finding a job. And seeking out a life partner—someone with whom you can share the rest of your life.
The earliest thing I can remember in life, is sitting as a toddler in a pretty good sized ant hill, introducing myself to the little red fellas, as they crawled all over me, and proceeded to bite me everywhere. It may be the reason I am the way I am today. Adventurous— to a point.
Then my brother, Paul, came along and I assumed the role of “big brother.” We were four years apart, so it was my responsibility to watch over him. I did mess up a couple of times when I shared a box of chocolate X-Lax with him before a lengthy train trip, and in later years— lit a firecracker while he was holding it in his hand. Outside of those two things, I think I did a pretty good job. (There may have been other slip ups but you’ll have to check with Paul, because I’ve forgotten them).
Unequivocally, there is nothing more rewarding in life than being a Dad. From the moment Brock was born in 1984, until today—being a Dad has been a sustaining thread for everything that I do. I worked very hard to provide for my wife and kids. We coached the kids in sports. We attended their plays, and school activities—and encouraged them to be the best they could be. I shared with them my vast knowledge of almost everything (hmmm), and all the engaging stories about my life (which they now know, and can recite, by heart because– I am The Big Fish).
But now that they’re gone, I miss every minute of our time together. I wish they were here. I wish I could do it all over again. I’d love them up even more. And spend more time with them than at work. And make them pancakes just because it’s a Saturday. But, that will never happen. The moments have passed.
Brock was more than unique—a one of a kind child that never had a teacher taller than him, and intellectual capacity beyond comprehension. He was very smart, and from the moment he could read, he never stopped increasing the expanse of his knowledge. We went on a white water rafting trip once, when he was in first grade, and yeah, he brought a book to read.
I took him to his first concert, Bon Jovi, at age 4. He liked everything but the fireworks at the end. In 6th grade, as a graduation present, he and I saw U2 in concert together, and that sparked his love for music. To date he has written, and recorded hundreds of songs on nearly every subject. One piece he wrote won a music contest at Northwestern, and another was on MTV a couple of years ago. We’ve attended at least a hundred concerts together. Now I don’t have an excuse to go see Buckcherry or A Perfect Circle. Or Interpol.
When we went to the hospital in 1988, we had a boy’s name picked out. The nurse got Marlis settled and said, “I hear that fast little heart beat—it must be a girl.” I look at Mar and said, “Do we even have a girl’s name picked out?” We did not. And out popped Brooke Reece Wilbur. I saw from the tears of joy in my wife’s eyes what a dunderhead I had been in not even considering that a girl might be on the way. I got out my Sharpie and legal pad and we cranked out an awesome name.
Brooke was the beautiful daughter I never thought I’d have. A princess. She loved to run, and jump, and swim and play. She loved horses, the Backstreet Boys and N’Sync, Sunday school—and being with her Dad. Every day was joyful to Brooke as long as you didn’t engage her before Noon. Not exactly a morning person, Brooke is strong of will with a loving heart for people in any circumstance or situation. She has an incredible love for her husband, and for the Lord. And I love her so very much, because she is special.
We made the conscious decision to come to Salina to raise our kids—because Salina is such a great community. Brock and Brooke both grew up in YMCA, and in the Salina Community Theatre, which was an integral part of their lives. It was beyond special for me to be on stage with them when they were older for seventeen sold out performances of “Peter Pan”. Beyond cool. Unforgettable. Salina provided the right amount of opportunity for them to compete and grow in everything. We love Salina.
It seems somehow appropriate on Father’s Day weekend, that I share with each of you younger Dads some of the things that I learned as Dad. It may be of help, and it may not—I share in the hope that you find it of some value:
1. Hug your kids every day. Even when they don’t think it’s cool.
2. Find professional help on being Dad to a daughter between ages 12 and 20. This too shall pass.
3. Take your kids to church—whether you think it sinks in or not, it does.
4. Love your kids more than a career.
5. Be there for them every step of the way. You’ll learn a lot about yourself.
6. Do not try to live your life vicariously through your kids—support them in the activities that they think are right for them. They generally know what’s right for them.
7. Listen to your wife. Sometimes ideas you have on being The Dad, just aren’t that great.
8. Since you don’t get a manual on how to raise a child, be prepared to say “I’m sorry” every once in a while when you screw up.
9. Sometimes, the decision you make in being a Dad involves doing the right thing for them, instead of being a buddy. Be a Dad that instills a set of good values into their lives. Be a dad who demonstrates those values in his actions. And be a leader in your household.
10. Love them some more.
Brock lives in Hollywood now—is a screenwriter, actor, and stand-up comedian in the Los Angeles area. Oh, and he has a band. Those are his sideline activities, while he works daily for an international online marketing firm. He calls once in a while, and we are very proud of him.
Brooke had a great time in school and theatre at K-State and married a fine young man, Landon Vinson— last year about this time. They live in Kansas City, while Landon attends KU Medical School, and Brooke works in retail sales. They are busy with their new life ahead, and with Church of the Resurrection, and we try to see them when we can. They are caring for the family grand-pig—a miniature English bulldog, named Roxy. So we have that going for us. And we are very proud of them.
On this Father’s Day, I’m grateful for the Dad that provided me the foundation that has made me the man I am today. So Roy Wilbur, I love you very much. Thank you for always being there for me.
And on Father’s Day, I’m grateful for the love of my wife, Marlis, for the past thirty-eight years. Where has time gone?
And to my kids, Brock and Brooke—I love you with all of my heart.
I always will.
Happy Father’s Day everyone. May God bless you each and every day.
See you in church.
tw
Tom Wilbur is President/CEO of BANK VI in Salina, Kansas. A graduate of Salina Central and the University of Kansas, Tom has held numerous leadership positions in banking, non-profit organizations, and area civic groups. He is a founding member of The Last National Band. He regularly writes about life, business, faith, and family. Tom can be reached at [email protected]