The week leading up to Valentines Day has been declared National Marriage Week in the U.S. The goal of National Marriage Week is to elevate national attention on the need to strengthen marriage, reduce the divorce rate and build a stronger marriage culture which in turn helps curtail poverty and benefits children.
Marriage breakdown is costly to kids and to society at large. According to Why Marriage Matters: Thirty Conclusions from the Social Sciences, divorce and unwed childbearing cost U.S. taxpayers a whopping $112 billion annually. In these challenging economic times, building stronger marriages helps build a stronger nation. See the study and more about the importance of marriage at www.nationalmariageweekusa.org.
It takes work to have a healthy marriage, but it is possible. Just like good nutrition and regular exercise can help you to have a healthy body, there are things you can do to have a healthy marriage. For National Marriage Week, here are seven tips using the acronym ELEVATE which can help you strengthen your marriage:
Empower Yourself- Individual health impacts the health of couple relationships. Taking care of yourself first can improve the wellness of your relationship. To care for yourself, eat healthfully and exercise regularly, get regular sleep, manage stress in positive ways and appreciate the good things in your life to cultivate greater happiness and satisfaction.
Lay the Foundation- Are you making deliberate and conscious decisions about your relationships? It is important to be intentional in nurturing your couple relationship. Stronger relationships begin by making a deliberate decision to enter into a relationship rather than sliding into one. Commit to the relationship and work to fulfill that commitment. Focus on each other’s strengths, set goals for a positive future together and work at effective ways to strengthen your relationship with one another.
Enlighten- How well do you know your partner? Sharing yourself and deepening an understanding of your partner creates stability in your relationship. Ask about your partner’s life, thoughts and feelings. Be sensitive to your partners’s worries and needs. Try to see situations through your partner’s eyes to gain a better understanding of how they look at things.
Value- Keeping a relationship healthy is the responsibility of both people in that relationship. What do you to do to show support, affection, and respect for your partner? Here are some ways to show you care: express appreciation and caring actions towards your partner, accept and value the differences you and your partner share. Give love in the way your partner likes to be loved, and make time for togetherness and moments of connection.
Attach- Developing and maintaining your friendship with your partner helps build couple identity. Envision yourselves as a team. Learning and growing together as a couple further strengthens this teamwork: find common interest and activities you can share as a couple, create traditions and rituals that promote togetherness, set and work towards common goals.
Tame- Dealing with differences in healthy ways can minimize friction among couples. Problems in healthy couple relationships may never be resolved, but they can be managed in effective ways. Understand and accept that there may be disagreements in any couple relationship, but try to stop conflict before it escalates out of control: share concerns with one another in a calm, respectful tone, avoid criticism and defensiveness that could be insulting to your partner, soothe and support one another and be open to forgiveness.
Engage- Engaging in a supportive, positive social network can be beneficial to any couple. These connections can act as a safety net to provide security to couples during both good and challenging time. Grow and maintain relationships with extended family. Develop a supportive network of friends who also have healthy couple relationships. Get involved in community organizations and services that can bring you and your partner together.
This Valentine’s Day, make an intentional decision to focus on relationship as well as romance. For more ways to strengthen your marriage, see the resources from the National Extension Relationship and Marriage Education Network at www.nermen.org.
Linda K. Beech is Ellis County Extension Agent for Family and Consumer Sciences.