Almost everyone has personal belongings such as wedding photographs, a baseball glove, holiday ornaments, a beloved doll or a yellow pie plate that contain meaning for them and for other members of their family. These heirlooms and personal possessions are known as non-titled property because they do not have a legal title which establishes rules of ownership.
When doing estate planning, families too often talk about the house or the investments but they may forget to discuss household goods and personal possessions. Research done at the University of Minnesota with families and attorneys revealed it is often the non-titled property that creates the greatest challenges for families when estates are divided — not the property or the money.
An Extension program called “Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate” will be offered twice this month in Ellis County to help families explore the opportunities and challenges of dealing with personal belongings. The first presentation will be Monday, March 23 at noon at the Extension Office meeting room, 601 Main Street in Hays. Contact the Ellis County Extension Office, 785-628-9430 to pre-register.
The program will be repeated on Tuesday, March 24 at 7:00 pm at the Ellis Public Library Community Room in Ellis. Register for this session at the Ellis Recreation Commission, 785-726-3718. Linda Beech, County Extension Agent, will be the speaker for both sessions.
Planning to pass on belongings that have special meaning, like grandma’s yellow pie plate, can be a challenge or a celebration of family memories. The following tips will help you make decisions that are right for your family.
1. Recognize that decisions about personal belongings are often more challenging than decisions about titled property. Assuming such decisions are unimportant or trivial can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts.
2. Recognize that inheritance decisions can have powerful consequences — emotional as well as economic. Decisions about personal property involve dealing with emotional and potential financial value connected to objects accumulated over a lifetime and across generations of family members.
3. Plan ahead. When decisions are made prior to death, the decisions can reflect the owner’s wishes, and special memories and stories may be shared. Planning ahead versus waiting until a crisis or death offers more choices and a chance for thoughtful communication.
4. Consider how to deal with conflicts before they arise. Issues of power and control do not disappear in inheritance decisions. Unresolved conflicts among parents, adult children, siblings, and others are often at the heart of what goes wrong with inheritance decisions. Listen for feelings and emotions, watch for blaming, and determine if you can agree to disagree if conflicts arise.
5. Remember that different perceptions of what’s “fair” are normal and should be expected. Those involved need to uncover the unwritten rules and assumptions about fairness that exist among family members.
6. Consider all options. Being fair does not always mean being equal. In fact, dividing personal items equally is sometimes impossible.
7. Ask others for input. Individuals who have input and agree on how decisions are made are more likely to be satisfied with the outcomes of those decisions.
8. Discuss what those involved want to accomplish. This will help reduce mistaken assumptions, misunderstood intentions, and makes choosing distribution options easier.
9. Ask others to identify items that have special meaning to them. This will help minimize inaccurate assumptions about who should get what. Not everyone will find the same items meaningful.
10. Put wishes in writing. By creating a separate listing mentioned in a will, for example, the property owner will reduce the dilemmas and decisions for estate executors and surviving family members.
Plan to attend one of the Extension programs on “Who Gets Grandma’s Yellow Pie Plate” on March 23 in Hays and March 24 in Ellis to learn more.
Linda K. Beech is Ellis County Extension Agent and Family and Consumer Sciences.