I have two friends from my college days that come up to Kansas from Texas to go hunting with me after Thanksgiving. I am writing this article on Thanksgiving morning.
I have joined a club with my two friends that I hoped that I would not be joining for a long time. I have become the patriarch of my family.
Both my friends (Lane and Russell), have lost their parents over the last few years. Lane’s mother passed away quite a few years ago, and then his father died over a short period of time, after developing cancer. Russell’s story is similar.
This past year, I lost both my father and my stepfather (my mother passed away in 2001).
One of the things that we all had in common was that as our parents grew older, we all had some type of plan in place to help them through that transition. I was so thankful that I was able to assist both my father and my stepfather in some difficult decisions, both for my sake, their sake and the sake of other family members.
Sometimes in our second half of life, we are cognizant that we do need to do planning for ourselves. However, sometimes we need to be as equally aware that we need to encourage others to make plans for themselves.
When my father got sick in January, I discovered there was a real lack of appropriate documentation – lack of a living will, outdated healthcare powers of attorney, and the like. Luckily for us, my father rebounded for a period of time, and that allowed us to wrap up the essential documents.
My father returned home and, in fact, went back to work. I know that he felt a lot better about having a plan in place.
A few years ago, I did my stepfather’s estate plan. When he got sick in December and January, he and I reviewed everything, fine tuning some important elements that would have an immediate and long lasting effect on his family.
As a “patriarch”, or as a patriarch in the making, please be sure that your parents have some type of plan in place. Please be sure it stays current. Check to see how accounts are titled, if there are beneficiary designations, and that insurance policies are being paid. Make sure that your parents’ intent is properly reflected. Talk about end of life decisions, financial goals and make sure agents are clearly stated. It could save a lot of heartache, as well as money.
It is not uncommon in my office for some 60 or 70 year-old “child” to come in, and suddenly they are a caregiver for their parents. We discover that the necessary documents are not in place, and may even require them to go to court to get a guardian and/or conservatorship—a step that could cost thousands of dollars, as well as delays and unnecessary restrictions.
Similarly, I have had situations where a fairly young person comes into my office whose spouse has been suddenly incapacitated. We discover that no planning had ever been put into place.
The most heartbreaking situation is when a parent comes in, and they have an adult child where nothing has been done. We are faced with some end of life decision making, or even significant health issues. Without the proper documentation, they cannot make decisions for their child, nor do they “know” what their child wants.
As the head of your family, I hope that you will encourage all of your family members, whether they are your parents, your children, or your spouse, to get some type of plan in place.
As Lane and Russell drive to Hays the Saturday after Thanksgiving, it will be the first time that we will be hunting together as three orphans!
Randy Clinkscales of Clinkscales Elder Law Practice, PA, Hays, Kansas, is an elder care attorney, practicing in western Kansas. To contact him, please send an email to [email protected]. Disclaimer: The information in the column is for general information purposes and does not constitute legal advice. Each case is different and outcomes depend on the fact of each case and the then applicable law. For specific questions, you should contact a qualified attorney.