By CRISTINA JANNEY
Hays Post

Not all educators who touch students’ lives work in classrooms.

This month’s Hays Teacher of the Month is a Hays High School counselor, Suellyn Stenger. Stenger, who has a master’s degree in music education, is a long time-educator, spending more than 20 years as a music teacher and band director.

Although she loved music, it was a series of student tragedies that led her to her present calling.

When Stenger was in her first teaching job as a music teacher in a small school district in McLouth, Kansas, a student committed suicide. She had no training as a counselor at that time, but students trusted her and came to her to talk about their feelings.

“That was my first real experience that I needed to gain more experience with helping students,” she said.

When she was a band director in McPherson, she received a phone call that one of her students where she previously taught in Garnett, Kansas, was killed in a drunk driving accident. She returned to the school to try to help students process the tragedy.

Additionally while teaching in McPherson, Stenger had a student who died of a rare form of cancer.

She said when dealing with students who are dealing with tragedy, the best thing to do is listen.

“With the first student who died from suicide, there is a lot of guilt with the students’ classmates,” Stenger said. “Again, I had no training at that time, so I just listened a lot.”

“When I was in McPherson and I got called back to Garnett again and just listened a lot to the students, showed a lot of empathy,” she said.

When her student was dying of cancer, she helped her students in McPherson make cards and T-shirts to support the student who was ill. She said she thought it helped the students feel as if they were making a difference for the students who were passing.

“I had just seen the student in Wichita and I knew he was getting close to death,” she said. “The next day the students were coming into the band rooms very excited and saying the student was coming home. They thought the student was coming home because he was getting better. I knew he was coming home to pass away at home.”

She went to the counselors and told them the students thought this young man was coming home because he was getting better, but in reality he was coming home to die.

“The counselor said go back to the band room, have his sister come see me and you tell the band what is going on,” Stenger said. “And I think that was the final decision for me that I really wanted to go into counseling because I went back and told the students he was passing away.

“Student death I think is the most difficult situation for a teacher or counselor or anyone who works within the school systems to deal,” Stenger said, “but showing empathy, listening, giving them a chance to grieve, supporting them on all levels whether it be at the visitation, at the funeral itself and for the time following [is important].”

Stenger said handling these tragedies is very difficult personally but she feels she needs to model resiliency for her students.

“Yes, it is a tragic event, and we can grieve together,” she said, “but we can continue on together as well.”

Stenger went on the earn an additional master’s degree in counseling from Fort Hays State University.

She established the pre-Kindergarten through eighth-grade counseling program at Victoria before joining the Hays High counseling staff 11 years ago.

Stenger, a flutist, said she was inspired to become a teacher by her ninth-grade band teacher, Ken Ticknor, at Landon Junior High in Topeka.

“He had a way of making everyone in the band feel special,” she said. “The thing that I found most important in teaching and counseling and working with children in any capacity is building a positive relationship with students and I never wavered in my desire to be a band director all through high school and college. I just knew that was what I wanted to be.”

“I think being positive is one of the most powerful tools a person can have. Coming in everyday full of energy. He also continued to play outside [of school.] I know he performed when the circus came to town. He was just a fantastic musician.”

Stenger still keeps in touch with her former teacher through Facebook.

“He just found a way of recognizing everyone in the room even though we had a large band at the time,” she said.

Today, Stenger most often first gets to know students through academics. She helps them with their course schedules and their independent plans of study. Counselors help students create plans of support for those who struggle academically or who may need social and emotional support.

“It is wonderful that we have the opportunity to keep the same students on our case load from freshman through their senior year so we can watch them through grow during high school,” she said.

Working with students on academics can lead to students being able to share more of their emotional needs, Stenger said.

“I definitely see there is a need for more support,” she said of the emotional piece of her job. “Forty percent of our student population are kids who are on free or reduced [cost] lunches.”

Stenger said she thought the district works hard to build relationships with students because that keeps them invested in their education.

“When I talk to students, I talk about how everyone who walks through the doors of Hays High School has issues, has things that they deal with and we talk about. Are we going to rise above the challenges or are we going to succumb to them? It is amazing how some students have extreme challenges outside of school yet show great resiliency when they are here at school.”

Stenger gave the example of a young student who faced tremendous challenges throughout her life. She chose this student to share in a video why she came to school each day.

“Despite that she had a lot of challenges, she showed up, and she did her very best,” Stenger said. “There were times she wanted to give up, but she transferred to our Learning Center and very recently graduated and earned her diploma. She is going to be a very successful young adult.

“There are many stories like that where students struggle, but they rise above the challenges.”

Stenger said working with students is very rewarding.

“I love my job,” she said. “I can’t imagine doing anything else.”