“Minions” is a spinoff prequel based on side characters from the “Despicable Me” franchise. That sentence, in and of itself, is tiresome. It’s not enough that Hollywood decides to make the same movie over and over again. In the case of “Minions,” the filmmakers decided to make a feature-length movie based solely around comic relief characters that – wait for it – don’t speak a discernible language.

I haven’t seen “Despicable Me” or its sequel, but like just about every other person in this country, I know who the Minions are. My YouTube play history would reveal that I’ve watched the “Minions” trailer on more than one occasion – a couple of minutes of gibberish-laden insanity is good for the soul, and it’s just funny to see a little yellow pill monster with heterochromia iridum (two differently colored eyes) do a mic drop. However, any more than five consecutive minutes of this nonsense is just too much. I’m all for stupid funny, when its done right, and I’m a big believer in the idea that a moment enjoyed is not a moment wasted. That said, I don’t see the sustained enjoyment in “Minions.”

From a filmmaking perspective, “Minions” is pretty, but it’s badly disjointed, poorly written and a staggering example at just how predictable movies have become which is amusing when I didn’t know what the hell was going on for most of the film.

[Slight “spoilers” ahead] There’s a moment where one of the main characters apparently isn’t going to make it which is followed by the long, mournful pause. I’ve seen a lot of movies, I knew full well what was going to happen. The other adults in the theatre knew what was going to happen. Amusingly, even the seven-year-old who sat behind me knew what was going to happen – I heard her whisper to her dad, “He’s not really dead. He’s going to come back.” She didn’t say it in a hopeful or tearful manner. She said it confidently – the way a seven-year-old will tell you the new fact they learned about dinosaurs or the way a toddler will tell you they successfully went poop. That little microcosm of the predictability of film was very interesting to me. Who do filmmakers think they’re fooling? They’re certainly not fooling the adults, and apparently even the kids have that trick on lockdown. Maybe when the success rate for a particular joke or dramatic turn reaches absolute zero, maybe then it’s time for a change?

All said, don’t bother with “Minions.” It’s inane, insane and has a distinct lack of brain-stimulating anything. My suggestion is to watch the “Minions” trailer or go find a Minions compilation video. Even better, go see “Inside Out,” it’s absolutely everything “Minions” is not and is still easily my favorite film of 2015.

3 of 6 stars