By Matt Moody

Parent is defined as a caretaker of the offspring in their own species. ~ Wikipedia

Parents certainly know what is best. If you had listened to your parents when you were a child you would have worn that bicycle helmet and skipped a visit to the emergency room. If you had listened to your parents as a teen, you would not have dated that laundry list of losers.

Now, when you reached the age of dissent, chances are you offered an “I don’t want to” or “I don’t like that” which likely resulted in a scolding or possibly a spanking — hopefully with a mere gentle hand and not a tire iron.

Children do not make the rules. Parents do not need a child’s input to decide what is best and that is a good thing (with most parents — ok sorry, a few parents).

This is really no different than what your friendly Justice Department is looking to do. You may think of them as  divine parents. They certainly do not need any input from you. After all, you don’t really know anything.

For example, less than 24 hours after an impressive online protest by millions of internet-users all but halted two bills which would hand over unprecedented control of the internet to the federal government, a parental decision was required.

The Justice Department, swooped in and seized over a dozen websites due to copyright claims.

There was no trial, no due process, or any of that unnecessary nonsense. Surely those who framed the Constitution didn’t spend all that time on it for you to just interpret it literally.

Due to your lack of knowledge, you might be thinking, “But tax dollars were used to arrest 7 people, including a Dutch citizen in New Zealand, over a copyright claim. Their property was seized and they are now facing the potential of 50 years in prison, all while child murderers have been receiving less than 5 year sentences. And do we really need to arrest the website’s graphic designer?” Slow down, graphic designers aren’t really even people and the most important issue at the door of the Justice Department is the request of the country’s largest job creator – Hollywood. And again, you are forgetting — they know what’s best and you don’t know squat.

We all wish for one more chance to be a kid again. So here is your opportunity. Sit back and enjoy. But remember, your input is no longer needed. If you decide you would like to offer a few of your childish opinions, your new parents don’t really care what you think. And if you continue to disobey, there is a mere gentle hand in Washington ready to swoop in to give you a spanking. Or maybe it is a tire iron.

Note – if you have the financial means to hire a former United States Senator to head your lobby, this article does not apply to you and before you go, is there anything you’d like?