By CRISTINA JANNEY
Hays Post
The first person a sexual assault survivor confides in about an assault is often not an advocate or law enforcement. It is usually someone they know.
Options Domestic and Sexual Violence Services is providing new materials that seek to help people who may, for whatever reason, not be ready to seek their services in person.
The “Finding Your Way: Life After Sexual Assault” booklet is designed for both the survivor and a confidant. One side gives information about dealing with the aftermath of an assault.
The information in the booklets for survivors include information on seeking counseling, managing trauma triggers, taking care of yourself after abuse or assault and safety planning after sexual abuse or assault.
The other side contains helpful information for friends and family members.
“We wanted to do something more than give people just the facts,” Jennifer Hecker, Options executive director, said. “[Friends and family] are dealing with a lot of feelings of guilt and remorse. We get questions on ‘How should we react?’ and we wanted to give them something to navigate the very murky waters.”
Hecker said the office often receives calls from friends and family saying, “I don’t know what to say.” or “I feel like I said the wrong thing.”
The booklet has adapted tips from the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. More on this group can be found online at www.rainn.org.
According to the booklet, some suggestions on what you might say to an abuse or assault survivor are:
“I believe you.”
“I am sorry this happened.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“You’re not alone.”
“This doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”
“You can trust me.”
“Do you need to go to the doctor?”
But perhaps more importantly, the booklet urges loved ones to listen to survivors.
Things not to say include: “I understand,” “Everything will be OK,” “Cheer up,” You’re lucky that …” or “You should be over this by now.”
The booklet also discusses the many emotions a family member or friend may experience after a survivor discloses sexual abuse or violence. Emotions can include shock, anger, fear, guilt, worry, sadness, disbelief and confusion.
Hecker said sexual abuse and violence affects the entire family. When the perpetrator of sexual abuse against a child is a member of the family, it can affect the safety and financial security.
“Families are asking, ‘How do I move forward?’ ” Hecker said. “It changes the family dynamic, and they face a lot of complicated issues.”
Friends and family can pick up the booklets at Options, 2716 Plaza, Hays, or they are always free to call and talk to an advocate at 785-625-4202.
Options encourages anyone who is a survivor of sexual or domestic violence to use their service in person or call the 24-hour helpline at 1-800-794-4624.
Options has also made the booklets available to community partners, including local hospitals, doctors’ offices and law enforcement.