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I first wrote this article while traveling with my wife in November. I had a meeting in Atlanta. As the airplane climbed above the clouds and my wife drifted off to sleep, I had some time to reflect on recent events.
Just before the trip, I received a telephone call from a very good friend, Lane. The first day of college, I was riding on an elevator, knowing no one. The elevator surged and my co-companion on the elevator and I looked at each other, wondering if the first day of college would be our last. That co-companion was Lane. We have been close friends ever since.
Lane and I have always been active together. For over 40 years, at least annually, we hunt, sometimes in Colorado and, most recently, in Kansas. Though it is only once or twice a year, every time we get together it seems as if we had just finished the conversation from the year before. Lane’s call to me in November was to inform me that he had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s.
Earlier in the year, a good friend 30 years my junior, shared with me that one of her parents had received a terrible diagnosis of stage-4 cancer. She was beside herself, asking many difficult life questions.
In both cases, I feel so worthless in trying to help. I feel inadequate, helpless, frustrated and disappointed. I do not have the words.
Recently, I met with a woman in her 50s. She and her husband have been married over 30 years. They did all the right things, and though he is older than she, when he retired they had great travel ambitions. Within months after his retirement, he was diagnosed with dementia. Now, traveling makes him anxious to the point that he really cannot leave home (that is not an uncommon feature of Alzheimer’s).
This woman (now my client) said something interesting to me. Though they cannot travel, she quit her job to stay at home with him. It is not so much to care for him, but she said to me, “It is my opportunity to visit and spend time with him while we can both appreciate it, reliving old memories.” It was one of those conversations that I know will burn in my memory forever.
When Lane came up to hunt after I did the first draft of this article, it was interesting. Lane is a psychologist, and of course, I do what I do. Both of us deal with families facing devastating news.
Lane and I spent almost a week together during our hunt. On at least three occasions, we had really good opportunities to discuss what was going on. I had tried to talk to him and he assured me he was OK.
Finally, Saturday morning rolled around. His truck was literally running, warming up to take off to return him to Texas. It was only then that he said, “Can we sit down and talk?” With the sound of the truck in the background, Lane and I talked about his reaction to the diagnosis, his fears, concerns, and what he needed to do next. I think in my mind, I was a little bit like a deer in the headlights.
I thought it so curious that the two of us, as close as we are, had such a difficult time talking about this—dealing with a chronic illness and end of life.
I know there are many of you out there facing a chronic illness and may be facing the end of life sooner than you expected. It is okay for it to be a difficult discussion, but it is a discussion you need to have with your family.
I think that what I have learned in dealing with both Lane, my other friend, and my clients, is that sometimes you just need to step back, fly above the clouds and appreciate everything that has happened. You can then sit back down and deal with the decisions that need to be made.
Randy Clinkscales of Clinkscales Elder Law Practice, PA, Hays, Kansas, is an elder care attorney, practicing in western Kansas. To contact him, please send an email to [email protected]. Disclaimer: The information in the column is for general information purposes and does not constitute legal advice. Each case is different and outcomes depend on the fact of each case and the then applicable law. For specific questions, you should contact a qualified attorney.

WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — A 3-year-old Wichita boy whose body was found encased in concrete will be buried this weekend.
The funeral for Evan Brewer comes four months after his remains were found in the home where he lived with his mother, Miranda Miller and her boyfriend, Stephen Bodine. Both are charged with murder.
An affidavit says a medical examiner couldn’t determine the cause of death because the boy’s body was too badly decomposed.
Evan’s paternal grandfather is former Wichita Mayor Carl Brewer, a current Democratic candidate for Kansas governor. Evan had been the subject of a custody battle, and his father contacted the Kansas Department for Children and Families and police with concerns. The new leader of DCF is calling for a thorough review of the agency.

LAWRENCE, Kan. (AP) — The former president of a nonprofit Lawrence arts organization has pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor after stealing from the group.
Thirty-six-year-old Amanda Monaghan was scheduled to go to trial Monday for felony theft after more than $1,000 was stolen from the Lawrence Art Guild in April 2014.
The Lawrence Journal-World reports Monaghan instead entered a no contest plea to misdemeanor theft. She will be sentenced Monday.
Judge Kay Huff said she plans to order Monaghan to repay $1,125 to the guild.
Prosecutors say Monaghan used the organization’s bank account for personal expenses, including a payment for her daughter’s preschool tuition at the Lawrence Arts Center.
Floyd Eldon Trail, born December 22nd, 1933, passed away January 23rd, 2018, in Atwood, KS.
Funeral services will be held Saturday, February 3rd, 2018, at 10:00 a.m. in the First Christian Church, 210 South 6th Street, Atwood, with Rev. David Todd officiating.
Inurnment will take place at a later date.
Baalmann Mortuary is in charge of arrangements.
Today Sunny, with a high near 65. Breezy, with a south southwest wind 5 to 10 mph increasing to 19 to 24 mph in the afternoon. Winds could gust as high as 38 mph.
Gusty SW winds today up to 45mph will lead to elevated fire danger w/ low relative humidity values down in the low teens today. Be careful! pic.twitter.com/pNjox6j5u7
— NWS Dodge City (@NWSDodgeCity) January 25, 2018
Tonight Mostly clear, with a low around 38. Breezy, with a south wind 17 to 24 mph, with gusts as high as 38 mph.
Friday Sunny, with a high near 53. Breezy, with a south southwest wind 13 to 20 mph becoming northwest in the afternoon.
Friday Night Mostly clear, with a low around 23. West wind 6 to 9 mph.
Saturday Sunny, with a high near 52. Northwest wind 7 to 13 mph.
Saturday NightMostly clear, with a low around 23.
Sunday Sunny, with a high near 53.
TOPEKA, Kan. (AP) — Kansas is moving forward with plans to have the nation’s largest private-prison operator build a new state prison after departing Republican Gov. Sam Brownback cut a political deal to win over wary GOP legislative leaders Wednesday.
The Legislature’s eight top leaders approved a plan to have Tennessee-based CoreCivic Inc. build a 2,432-bed prison near Kansas City to replace the state’s oldest and largest correctional facility there. The state would buy the new prison in Lansing over 20 years through a lease with the company, paying a total of $362 million.
The top lawmakers’ approval was required by a state law authorizing the project last year. The vote among the leaders was 5-3, the exact tally Brownback needed for the project to go forward. The final vote was delayed nearly three weeks because several Republican leaders wavered amid skepticism about whether the lease-purchase deal was the most cost-effective option.
Two of the Senate’s top three Republicans didn’t come aboard until Brownback’s office announced an hour before the meeting that it was dropping plans for an overhaul this year of the state’s Medicaid health coverage for the poor and disabled. GOP leaders had worried about the potential cost and said problems with the existing Medicaid program must be worked out first.
Brownback won the go-ahead for the prison project just before the U.S. Senate confirmed his appointment as U.S. ambassador-at-large for international religious freedom. Stopping the Medicaid overhaul saved him from a stinging political defeat on the prison project just before he steps down and Lt. Gov. Jeff Colyer is elevated to governor.
“That was a major, major decision point for me,” said Senate Majority Leader Jim Denning, an Overland Park Republican.
Lawmakers in both parties agreed that the Lansing prison has major problems. Parts of it date to the 1860s and feature long rows of tiered cells with bad sight lines, but even newer parts built in the 1980s were poorly designed.
“It just needs work,” Brownback said. “The place is crumbling down.”
The department has estimated that a new prison could be staffed with 46 percent fewer employees — saving the state enough money to cover annual lease payments. While CoreCivic would be responsible for maintenance, the state would oversee staffing and day-to-day operations.
Democratic leaders were skeptical of the projected staffing and cost savings, and questioned whether the project would be cheaper over time if the state issued bonds to finance it.
“We will rue the day, I believe,” said Senate Minority Leader Anthony Hensley, a Topeka Democrat.
CoreCivic CEO Damon Hininger said construction could begin in a few weeks. The company has had similar projects in California and Oklahoma and is pursuing one in Colorado. He said the Kansas project could be a model for others in states with badly aging prisons.
“There are other states, we know, around the country that are looking at Kansas and thinking about how we could duplicate this kind of solution,” Hininger said.

TOPEKA – Law enforcement authorities are investigating a suspect for alleged arson.
Just after 10:30 a.m. Tuesday, fire crews responded to an apartment fire at 3100 SW 29th Terrace in Topeka, according to Fire Chief Craig Duke.
Upon arrival, fire crews found the two-story wooden ballooned frame apartment structure with nothing showing. Firefighters encountered smoke when they entered the building. Firefighters located the fire and quickly extinguished it. There were no occupants.
Investigators determined the fire was intentionally set. Police arrested 25-year-old Blake A. Barrow and he was booked into the Shawnee County Department of Corrections for Aggravated Arson, according to Duke.
The estimated dollar loss is $1,100. Police released no additional details.

EMPORIA, Kan. (AP) — Lyon County authorities say a person has died in a house fire near Emporia.
County sheriff’s deputy Jacob Welsh says the fire was reported Wednesday morning about 4 miles southwest of Emporia. When firefighters arrived, the home was completely engulfed in flames.
The person’s name has not been released.
The cause of the fire is being investigated.

HORTON, Kan. (AP) — A Kansas man has pleaded no contest to nine felonies connected to the burning of homes and cars last May.
Dustin McCulley, 27, Horton, was scheduled to go on trial next week for charges filed after three homes and several vehicles were set on fire in Horton on May 9. No one was injured in the fires.
Brown County Attorney Kevin Hill says McCulley surprised officials on Jan. 18 when he said he wanted to plead no contest after reviewing the evidence against him.
He was charged with several counts of arson, theft and burglary. Sentencing is scheduled for Feb. 23.
Ann Gustad-Leiker LBSW, MS
Mission Outreach Coordinator
Executive Director The Center for Life Experience
[email protected]
785-625-2847
Naomi (Mangus) Windell, 90, resident of Kanorado, passed away Monday, January 22, 2018, at the Goodland Regional Medical Center in Goodland, KS.
She was born on November 18, 1927 to Mamie Day Mangus and George Washington Mangus, in the home built by her father in Kanorado, KS.
She completed 12 years of schooling in Kanorado, graduating in 1945. After graduation she attended Fort Hays State University and earned her teaching certificate. She became a member of the Kanorado Methodist Church in her teens, was an active member of the Youth Group and as President for several years.
She met Lester Windell in March of 1945. It was love at first sight and she was overjoyed when he asked her on their first date. They became engaged in December of 1945. On October 5, 1946, they decided to elope. No one else knew that they went to Goodland and found the Justice of the Peace to marry them.
Naomi had taught elementary school at Prairie View country school for 2 years before her marriage. She had to complete summer school each year to keep her teaching certificate. After she was married, she decided she was not going to teach anymore, so she did not attend summer school. The school board begged her to teach another year. They didn’t care if she completed schooling or not, they just wanted her to teach. She agreed and 1947 was her last year of teaching.
Les and Naomi spent their lives in Kanorado on the farm built by her father. They farmed and raised livestock. Les also worked drilling irrigation wells. They were blessed with 3 sons, Rickie, Michael and Robert. They worked hard, but they also made time to spend together as a family. They took camping and fishing trips to Lake Superior, the Badlands and the Black Hills of South Dakota. They were also blessed with many grandchildren, and loved spending time with and spoiling them.
She is preceded in death by her parents, her husband Les Windell, 11 half-brothers, 3 half-sisters; 1 sister Della Nagel; 2 grandchildren Billy Jacobs and Brad Figgins; and 2 great grandchildren Faith Figgins and Raphael Windell.
She is survived by her son Rickie (Victoria) Windell of Kanorado, KS, son Michael (Kelly) Windell of Goodland, KS; son Robert (Diane) Windell of Kanorado, KS; 9 grandchildren, Leanna Windell, Shaina Jacobs of Westminster, CO; Brandie (Lee) Ihrig of Goodland, KS; Tomi (Chance) Price of LeVeta, CO; Spencer (Cassie Murray) Windell of Goodland, KS; Brian Windell of Kanorado, KS; Denny (Delci) Windell of Kanorado, KS; Mathew Windell of Kanorado, KS; Andy (Ellie Dinkle) Windell of Sharon Springs, KS; 16 great grandchildren; Garrett (Rachel) Figgins of Norwalk, OH; Kaitlyn Figgins of Westminster, CO; Sydney, Rylie and Zachary Jacobs; Bryson, Logan Emmitt and Lydia Ihrig; Truit and Sawyer Price; Jayden, Brinley, Presley and Emberly Windell; and Adalyne Windell; and 2 great-great grandchildren; Gwyneth and Evelyn Figgins.
Funeral services for Naomi were held on Thursday, January 25, 2018 at 10:00 AM MT at the Kanorado United Methodist Church in Kanorado with Pastor Gordon Pettibone officiating. Burial followed in the Kanorado Cemetery. Visitation was held on Wednesday, January 24, 2018 from 6:00 to 8:00 PM MT at the Koons-Russell Funeral Home in Goodland, KS.
Memorials may be designated to the Kanorado United Methodist Church or to the Kanorado Senior Citizen’s Center and may be left at the services or mailed to Koons-Russell Funeral Home, 211 N. Main Ave, Goodland, KS 67735.
Online condolences may be left at www.koonsrussellfuneralhome.com.
Funeral services were entrusted to Koons-Russell Funeral Home in Goodland, KS.
William J. Fry, age 58, of Hays (formerly of WaKeeney) passed away Monday, January 22, 2018, at Hays Medical Center.
Services are pending with Schmitt Funeral Home. Cremation was chosen.