A Sunday school teacher said to the children, “We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times, but there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?”
One child blurted out, “The Ace!”
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Q: How is Ducktape like the Force? A: It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds the galaxy together.
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A piece of string walks into a bar. The bartender says “Hey, we don’t serve your kind here! Get out!” So the string goes outside, gets itself really tangled up and partially unraveled, then goes back inside. The bartender says “Aren’t you that piece of string I just threw out of here?” To which the string replies “Nope. I’m a frayed knot.”
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Where do fish keep their money?
In river banks.
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What do you call a cow that had a baby?
Decaffeinated!
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An Elephant’s Memory
An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a
turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear
across the river.
“What did you do that for?” Asked a passing giraffe.
“Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my
trunk 53 years ago.”
“Wow, what a memory” commented the giraffe.
“Yes,” said the elephant. “I have turtle recall”.
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Number Twelve
The number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of
beer.
“Sorry I can’t serve you,” states the barman.
“Why not?!” asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice.
“You’re under 21,” replies the barman.
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey.” The horse replies, “Sure.”
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It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course: Babe Ruth
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Cool Bunny
A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the
shelves.
“What are you doing in there?” she asked.
The rabbit replied, “This is a Westinghouse, isn’t it?”
The lady furrowed her brow. “Why, yes,” she said, “it is”.
“Well,” the rabbit said, “I’m westing.”
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Literal Eggs
One morning a soldier was in line for breakfast and noticed that the
cook behind the counter looked like he was having a bad day. After the
solder gave his order, the cook asked how the soldier wanted his eggs.
Not wanting to burden him further, the soldier said cheerfully, “Oh,
whatever is easiest for you.”
The cook took two eggs, cracked them open onto the soldier’s plate and
then handed it back to him.
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Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Rufus
Rufus Who?
Rufus the most important part of your house.
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Why do cows wear bells?
(Their horns don’t work!)
What do you get when you cross a cow and a goat?
(A coat!)
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