Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.

 

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Q: What did mama buffalo say when her youngest went off to college? A: “Bison!”

Q: What did the grape say when the buffalo stood on it? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine!

Q: What happens when two single buffalo meet up, fall in love and run away to get married? A: They buffalope.

 

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Q: What’s Irish and stays out all night?
A: Paddy O’furniture!

Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day?
A: Regular rocks are too heavy.

 

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“Poor old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub.  So he invited the old man inside for a drink.  As the sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So haw many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

 

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What time is it when a man running through the forest is being chased by five bears?

Five after one.

 

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A teenager who had just received her learner’s permit offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination.

The mother got out of the car and said, “Thank you!”

“Anytime,” her daughter replied.

 

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If you ever get cold, stand in the corner of a room for a while.
They’re usually 90 degrees.

 

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A friend hates to exercise, which means the treadmill in her bedroom barely gets used.  Nevertheless, she swears by it.  “It works,” she says.  “I throw my jeans over it and they get smaller.”

 

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Good Wishes

A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to a hospital and took his portable keyboard along. He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides.

When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.”

One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.”

 

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An intern asked another intern if she was planning to sign up for the company’s 401(k).

“I’m considering it, ” replied the second intern.

Later, the first intern approached their supervisor looking concerned.

“I did the math,” she said, “and 401K is almost 250 miles.  She’ll never make it!”

 

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Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?

A: Because then it would be a foot!

 

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Q: What did one boat say to the boat?
A: Are you up for a little row-mance?

 

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Why do seals swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

 

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