Q: What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf?
A: “You hang around while I go on ahead.”

 

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Pro Golf Tip

A gushy reporter told a famous golfer, “you are spectacular – your name is synonymous with the game of golf! You really know your way around the course. What’s your secret?”

The golfer replied, “The holes are numbered”.

 

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Where do polar bears vote?
The North Pole.

 

 

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Strawberry Fertilizer

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little
boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, “What’ve you got in your truck?”

“Fertilizer,” the farmer replied.

“What are you going to do with it?” asked the little boy.

“Put it on strawberries,” answered the farmer.

“You ought to live here,” the little boy advised him. “We put sugar and
cream on ours.”

 

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Why did the teacher jump in the pool?
To test the water.

.

 

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A lifelong-bachelor turned 78 and traveled across the country to visit a dozen or so old girlfriends.

“How’d it go?” asked a friend when he returned.

“Thank God I never married any of them,” he said.  “They’re all widows.”

 

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A zookeeper walks into a pub with an elephant and orders two beers.  After a few hours and a few more drinks, the elephant collapses drunk on the floor.  As the zookeeper stumbles toward the door, the bartender calls after him, “Hey!  You can’t just leave that lyin’ here!”
The zookeeper slurs, “That’s not a lion; it’s an elephant.”

 

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Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?
A: Because he had no-body to go with.

Q: Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
A: They don’t have the guts.

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Q: What exam do young witches have to pass?
A: A spell-ing test!

Q:  Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Q:  Because they have no organs.

 

 

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Q: What type of music do mummies like to listen to?
A: Wrap music.

Q. Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
A. They’re too wrapped up in themselves.

 

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A Red Sox fan walked into a Boston pub and spots a guy wearing a New York Yankees cap.  “Drinks for everyone here, bartender!”  shouts the Red Sox fan.  “Except for Mr. Yankees!”

The Yankees fan smiles and says, “Thank you!”

Infuriated, the Red Sox fan orders another round of drinks for everyone except Mr. Yankees, who, again, thanks the man.  This goes on for a while, until Mr. Red Sox asks the bartender, “What’s the matter with that guy?  I’ve ordered rounds of drinks for everyone but him, and all he does is thank me.  Is he nuts?”

“No, he’s not nuts,” says the bartender.  “He owns the place.”

 

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The Calling Of Owls

Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl – and one night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor.

“My husband spends his nights… calling out to owls,” she said.

“That’s odd,” the neighbor replied. “So does my husband.”

Then it dawned on them.

 

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Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.

 

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