Where do horses live?
In neigh-borhoods.

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What She Likes Best

The other day a man asked his wife what she liked best about him.

“Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?”

She replied, “Oh, it’s your sense of humor, dear.”

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Watery Problem

A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn’t been feeling
well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills.

The doctor says, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when
you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after
lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another
big glass of water.”

Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, “Jeez doc,
exactly what’s my problem?”

Doctor says, “You’re not drinking enough water.”

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How do clams call their friends?
On their shell phones.

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Why do owls always get invited to bird parties?
Because they’re such a hoot.

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

She wanted to hit the high Cs.

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Where do you learn to make ice cream?
Sundae school.

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What’s a tree’s favorite drink?
Root beer.

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Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on?

A: It let out a little wine!

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Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?

A: Odor in the court.

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The Funny Story of the Taxi Driver and St Peter

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.

‘Come with me,’ said St. Peter to the taxi driver.

The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St Peter to a mansion. It had everything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an Olympic size pool.

‘Oh my word, thank you,’ said the taxi driver.

Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rough old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.

‘Wait, I think you are a little mixed up,’ said the priest. ‘Shouldn’t I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God’s word.’

‘Yes, that’s true.’ St Peter rejoined, ‘But during your sermons people slept.  When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.’

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Q: Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
A: Because he wanted to work over-time!

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