Deer Hunting

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their truck. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.

“Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something … but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground.”

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, “You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!”

“Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck,” the other added.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
A: Frostbite.

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The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the refrigerator for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal.
Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as many minutes, she snapped, “Nothing’s any different than it was a minute ago.”
“I know that,” he assured her. “It’s just that this time I’ve lowered my standards.”

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Q: Why do we put candles on the top of a birthday cake?
A: Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom.

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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

“Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.

“Only the Ten Commandments.” answered the lady.

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Q: What did one eyeball say to the other eyeball?
A: Between you and me something smells.

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Q: What do cows read?
A: CATTLE-logs.

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Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A: Because 7, 8, 9.

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Tough Teacher

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around
the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not
noticeable at all. On the first day of school, still with the cast under
his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in
school.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as
wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong
breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie
to his chest.

He had no trouble with discipline that year.

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Q: Where do sheep go to get haircuts?

A: To the Baa Baa shop!

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