Wife-Colored Glasses
A woman walked into a store to return a pair of eyeglasses that she had purchased for her husband a week before.
“What seems to be the problem, madam?”
“I’m returning these glasses I bought for my husband. He’s still not seeing things my way.”
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Waiting Room
The doctor’s office was crowded as usual, but the doctor was moving at his normal snail’s pace. After waiting two hours, an old man slowly stood up and started walking toward the door.
“Where are you going?” the receptionist called out.
“Well,” he said, “I figured I’d go home and die a natural death, instead of just being bored to death.”
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What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Stop taking me for granite.
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Most Deserving
A father of five won a large stuffed animal in a raffle. All the way
home he agonized about which child should receive the toy. When he
arrived, he called the kids together.
“I have decided this gift should go to the most deserving,” he said.
“Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mommy?
Who does everything she says?”
Five small voices cried in unison. “You do, Daddy!”
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What did the television do at the beach?
Channel Surf
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Formula For Water
The teacher asked, “What is the chemical formula for water?”
Little Johnny replied, “HIJKLMNO!!”
The teacher, puzzled, asked, “What on earth are you talking about?”
Little Johnny replied, “Yesterday you said it was H to O!”
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It’s a Chocolate Muffin Day
A young man staggered into the small-town bakery at the crack of
dawn on an extremely cold, wet, and stormy morning. “Thank heavens
you are open,” he gasped. “Do you have fresh double chocolate
muffins?”
When the baker nodded , a huge smile broke out on the young man’s
face. “It’s worth the trip, then – she’ll be so happy. It will make
her day!”
The baker nodded with understanding. “Are these for your mother,
then?” he asked.
“No – my wife! Do you think my mother would send me out on a day
like this?”
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In Both Ears
“It’s no good, sir,” said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. “I
try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the
other.”
“Goes in both ears and out the other?” asked the puzzled teacher. “But
you only have two ears.”
“You see, sir? I’m no good at math, either.”
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Penny For Your Thoughts
After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room.
Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking was helping.
His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy’s ear. Sammy was delighted.
In a flash, he snatched it from his father’s hand, swallowed, and then cheerfully demanded, “Do it again, Dad!”
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We are giving away the Chicken Soup for the Soul book “The Miracle of Love.”
Listen during a KZ Country Morning with Theresa Trapp Monday, June 11 – Friday, June 15, 2018 for the sounder with a rooster and chickens. Call 785-628-2995 when you hear the sounder.
No age requirement to win.
Winners will need to pick up their books at the KZ Country Studio, 2300 Hall, Hays, KS within 30 days of winning.
One win per contest per 30 days.
Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Miracle of Love will warm the heart and lift the spirit of any reader who is looking for, or has found, the miracle of love. Stories of dating, romance, love and marriage, with all their ups and downs, will encourage, inspire and amuse readers.
Everyone loves a good love story. And we all enjoy stories about how the love started and blossomed. This fun new book about dating, romance, love, and marriage will make you laugh and make you cry, and is guaranteed to inspire you to renew that search for your soul mate or open your heart a little more to the one you already have. It’s never too late for love at any age. Read about how couples met, when “they knew,” proposals, maintaining the relationship, second chances, and all the other facets of the miracle that is love.
Winners: Fred Friess, Karen Sears
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Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
A: Because they cantaloupe.
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What do you call an Irishman who keeps bouncing off the walls?
Rick O’Shea
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The Brake Breakdown
Sherry was exasperated with her younger sister, who bought an unreliable
car and called for a ride every time it broke down.
One day Sherry got yet another one of those calls.
“What happened this time?” she asked.
“My brakes went out,” her sister said. “Can you come to get me?”
“Where are you?” Sherry asked.
“I’m in the drugstore,” her sister responded.
“And where’s the car?”
“It’s in here with me.”
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