A pastor was saying farewell to his congregation at the church doors for the last time. He shook the hand of an elderly lady as she walked out.
She said, “Your successor won’t be as good as you.”
“Nonsense,” said the pastor in a flattered tone.
“No, really,” said the elderly lady.
“I’ve been here under five different ministers, and each new one has been worse than the last.”
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Q: Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon?
A: Because he was a paleontologist.
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Q: What did the traffic light say to the car?
A: Don’t look, I’m changing.
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Career Ambitions
A father was asked by his friend, “Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?”
“Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,” replied the father.
His friend thought for a moment. “That’s a rather strange ambition to
have for a career,” he said.
“Not really,” said the father. “He thinks that garbage collectors only
work on Tuesdays!”
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What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner’s on me tonight.
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
and says:” A beer please, and one for the road.”
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Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was sitting on the deck!
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Q: Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
A: They both depend on the batter.
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A wife figured that breakfast time was as good a time as any to get something off her chest. So, over morning coffee, she turned to her husband and said, “We’ve been married 56 years, and it still seems that you are always correcting me.”
Her husband replied, “We’ve been married 58 years.”
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Dangerous Horns
The teacher spent the entire hour reading to her class about farm
animals, and bulls in particular. When she had finished, she asked,
“name some things that are very dangerous to get near to and have
horns.”
Little Johnny spoke up without hesitation, “Automobiles?”
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We are giving away the Chicken Soup for the Soul book “Think Positive, Live Happy.”
Listen during a KZ Country Morning with Theresa Trapp Monday, October 7 – Friday, October 11, 2019 for chances to call 785-628-2995 and win. No age requirement to win.
Winners will need to pick up their books at the KZ Country Studio, 2300 Hall, Hays, KS within 30 days of winning.
These 101 true stories will inspire you to think positive to live a happier life.
Everyone can use a little more positive thinking—to create an even better life. Your attitude is a powerful tool, and these stories from real people show you how to think yourself into a more fulfilling, happier life. You’ll read stories about:
*****
Congrats Joyce Hughes, Fred Friess, Terry Hagaman, Don Burlison and Linda Palmberg!
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Finest Golf Equipment
Morris had been playing golf for years and he had the finest golfing
equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.
As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a
brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new
ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of
the woods.
“Why don’t you use an old ball?” his friend Sam asked.
“I’ve never had an old ball,” Morris said.
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Q: Why did the tomato turn red?
A: It saw the salad dressing!
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