Contented Cows
Farmer Jones had heard that the best milk comes from contented cows. Therefore, he’d visit them every morning and tell them jokes.
The cows laughed and laughed and gave excellent milk. But the news got around about the cows.
They became known as the laughing stock of the community.
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What do cows do for entertainment?
They go to the moooo-vies.
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No Help Reading
When a Dad took his 4-year-old to the optometrist to pick up new
glasses, the boy asked why he had to wear them. The doctor replied,
“They’re to help you read and be able to see the computer better.”
When the two of them got back home, the boy sat down at the computer. In
a few minutes he called his Dad over and said, “There’s something wrong
with my glasses.”
“What’s the problem?”
“I can see the computer better, but I still can’t read.”
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The Pole Witness
The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had
struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale,
nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.
“Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?” inquired the
officer.
“Officer,” exclaimed the telephone lineman, “I was at the top of the
pole!”
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Classic Glass Problem
One day in philosophy class they spent a great deal of time debating
whether the glass was half full or half empty. After the class, one
student was feeling pretty good about himself and what he was learning
at university, so when he went home he tried to continue the discussion
with his family.
With maximum drama, he took a 12 ounce glass from the cupboard and
poured in 6 ounces of water. Then took it into the dining room and
placed it in the middle of the table. He proudly asked his family, “can
anyone tell me whether this glass is half full or half empty?”
Without missing a beat, his grandmother replied, “depends if you’re
drinking or pouring.”
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Choosing Sides
When the family was moving cross-country the Mom and Dad each needed to
drive one of their two cars. Their eight-year-old son worriedly asked,
“How will we keep from getting separated?”
“We’ll drive slowly so that one car can follow the other,” the Dad
reassured him.
“Yes, but what if we DO get separated?” the son persisted.
“Well, then I guess we’ll never see each other again,” the Dad answered
back jokingly.
“Okay,” the boy said. “I’m riding with Mom.”
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We are giving away the Chicken Soup for the Soul book “The Empowered Woman.”
Listen during a KZ Country Morning with Theresa Trapp Monday, May 21- Friday, May 25, 2018 for the sounder with a rooster and chickens. Call 785-628-2995 when you hear the sounder.
No age requirement to win.
Winners will need to pick up their books at the KZ Country Studio, 2300 Hall, Hays, KS within 30 days of winning.
One win per contest per 30 days.
Today’s woman is confident, courageous and true to herself. And she has a story to tell, to help other women become empowered, too. These 101 true stories, told by women from all walks of life, will inspire you to be confident, courageous and true to your self.
The stories in Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Empowered Woman represent women helping each other—to be come stronger, more self-confident, and more independent. They chronicle simple changes and complex transformations, and provide easy-to-implement tips and powerful motivation for women of all ages to say “yes” to their best lives.
Winners: Don Burlison, Pam Bieker, Angel Mellott and Linda Palmberg
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Triple Play
A police detective interviewed a bank teller after the same bandit had
robbed a bank three times successively.
“Did you notice anything special about the man? I mean, did he ever
change his appearance?” asked the detective.
“Yes,” replied the teller.
“He was better dressed each time.”
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Why did the pig stop sunbathing?
He was bacon in the heat.
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Q: What do bees chew?
A: Bumble gum!
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Did you hear about the group of cows NASA launched into orbit?
It was the herd shot around the world.
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Dining advice:
Don’t eat a clock.
It is very time consuming especially when you go back for seconds.
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A couple of dog owners are arguing about whose pet is smarter.
“My dog is so smart,” says the first owner, “that every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around. He tips the kid and then brings the newspaper to me, along with my morning coffee.”
“I Know,” says the second owner.
“How do you know?”
“My dog told me.”
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