Helping With Dinner

A fifteen-year-old boy came bounding into the house and found his mom in
bed. He asked if she were sick or something. He was truly concerned.

Mom replied that, as a matter of fact, she didn’t feel too well.

The son replied, “Well, don’t worry a bit about dinner. I’ll be happy to
carry you down to the kitchen so you can cook.”

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Back Seat Driver

Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. To celebrate,
the whole family trooped out to the driveway and climbed into the car
for his inaugural drive. Dad immediately headed to the back seat,
directly behind the newly minted driver.

“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those
months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,”
said the beaming boy to his Father.

“Nope,” came Dad’s reply, “I’m gonna sit back here and kick the back of
your seat while you drive, just like you have been doing to me for
sixteen years.”

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True Entrepreneur

A mall manager has three spaces to rent, all in a row. A prospective
lessee shows up and says he wants to rent the space on the left for a
men’s wear shop.

“That’s fine,” the mall manager says. “You get free signage; what do you
want on the sign?”

“Men’s Wear,” says the man.

A second guy comes along and asks to rent the right hand space for his
gentleman’s formal wear business. When asked he says he wants “Men’s
Wear” on his sign. The mall manager tells him that the left hand shop
will have the same sign. “No problem,” says the man.

Finally a third man comes along to rent the middle space. The manager is
somewhat concerned because this guy also has a men’s wear shop. Warily
the manager asks the third man what he wants on his sign.

The guy replies: “Entrance.”

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Just Ask Me

On a flight to Florida, Mary was preparing notes for one of the parent
education seminars she conducted. The elderly woman sitting next to
Mary explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two
weeks visiting her 6 children, 18 grandchildren and 10
great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what Mary did for a
living.

Mary told her that she was an educational psychologist, fully expecting
the elderly woman to question her for free professional advice.

Instead the elderly woman sat back and said, “If there’s anything you
want to know, just ask me.”

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Money Math

“If you had a dollar,” quizzed the teacher, “and you asked your father
for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?”

“One dollar,” answered little Johnny

“You don’t know your basic math,” said the teacher shaking her head,
disappointed.

Little Johnny shook his head too, “You don’t know my Dad.”

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Q: What kind of key opens a banana?

A: A monkey!

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What does one icicle say to the other icicle before leaving?
Bye-cicle.

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What Did You Learn?

The child comes home from his first day at school.

His Mother asks, “Well, what did you learn today?”

The kid replies, “Not enough. They want me to come back tomorrow.”

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Q: What do you give a dog with a fever?

A: Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!

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Multiple Personalities

Patient: “Doctor, I keep thinking I’m Mickey Mouse. And other times, I
think I’m Donald Duck.”

Psychiatrist: “How long have you been having these Disney spells?”

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One Sunday morning, a preacher told his congregation, “Everyone who wants to go to heaven, come down to the front!”  The whole church came forward except one man.  Thnking that maybe the man hadn’t heard him, the preacher repeated the invitation.  Again, the man just sat there.

“Sir,” said the preacher, “don’t you want to go to heaven when you die?”

The man replied, “Oh, when I die!  I thought you were getting a group ready to go right now.”

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