Studying Tip

A college pizza delivery boy arrived at Larry’s house. He knocked on the
door and Larry answered. After taking the pizza, Larry asked: “What is
the usual tip?”

“Well,” replied the youth, “this is my first trip here, but the other
guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I’ll be doing great.”

“Is that so?” snorted Larry. “Well, just to show them how wrong they
are, here’s five dollars.”

“Thanks,” replied the youth, “I’ll put this in my school fund.”

“What are you studying in school?” asked Larry.

The lad smiled and said: “Psychology.”

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A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, “Which book has helped you most in your life?”

The woman replied, “Well, that would have to be my husband’s checkbook.”

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Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.

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Affecting the Prescription

When her young son developed an ear infection, his mother took him to
the pediatrician. The mother was very impressed with the way the doctor
directed his comments and questions directly to the boy.

At one point the doctor asked her son, “Is there anything you are
allergic to?” The boy nodded and whispered in the doctor’s ear.

Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to the
mother. Without looking at it, she tucked it into her purse.

Later, the pharmacist filled the order, remarking on the unusual
food-drug interaction her son must have.

When he saw the mother’s puzzled expression, he showed her the label on
the bottle.

As per the doctor’s instructions, it read: “Do not take with broccoli.”

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The only problem with golf is that the slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.

If you think it’s hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong ball on a golf course.

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A Profitable Harmonica

Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for my birthday,” Little Johnny said
to his Grandfather. “It’s the best present I ever got.”

“That’s great,” said his Grandfather, “do you know how to play it?”

“Oh, I don’t play it,” Little Johnny said. “My mom gives me a dollar a
day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a
week not to play it at night.”

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Duelling Barbers

A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the
old established hair cutters’ place.

They put up a big bold sign which read:

“WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!”

Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign:

“WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS”

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A Standing Bet

Two lawyers, Jon and Chuck, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf.
Jon offers Chuck a bet. “Let’s say we bet $50.”

Chuck agrees and they’re off.

After the 8th hole, Chuck is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into
the rough on the 9th. “Help me find my ball. Look over there,” he said
to Jon.

After a few minutes, neither have any luck and a lost ball carries a two
stroke penalty, so Chuck pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to
the ground. “I’ve found my ball!” he announces.

Jon looks at him. “After all of the years we’ve been partners and
playing together, you’d cheat me out of a lousy 50 dollars?”

“What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!”

“And you’re a liar, too!” Jon said. “I’ll have you know I’ve been
STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!”

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Growing Boy

A teenage boy was visiting his grandmother. Like all growing boys, he was constantly hungry, so grandma went to the refrigerator to find something he might like. After poking around a bit and moving the milk and juice cartons, she spotted a bowl of leftover chili.

She called out to him excitedly. He came running into the kitchen.
“Look! I found some chili!”

Struggling to be polite, he said, “If you’re that surprised to find it,
I’m not really sure I want it.”

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Fifty Years Of Bliss

On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage.

The husband said, “I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no ‘I’ in the word ‘marriage.'”

The wife said, “For my part, I have never corrected my husband’s
spelling.”

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Baggage Problems

A flight attendant watched one day as a passenger who was overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the over-sized luggage.

“When I fly other airlines,” he said irritably, “I don’t have this
problem.”

The attendant replied with a sarcastic smile, “When you fly other
airlines, I don’t have this problem either.”

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