Airline Food Choices
It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline.
“Would you like dinner?” the flight attendant asked the man seated in
front of me.
“What are my choices?” he asked.
“Yes or no,” she replied.
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Sleeping Juror
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness when he stopped and said, “Your honor, a juror is asleep.”
The Judge ruled, “You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up.”
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On The Ball
Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill.
Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golfball. It sat in the same spot.
So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn’t even wiggle.
Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, “Whoa! what are we going to do?”
Said the other ant: “I don’t know about you, but I’m going to get on top of the ball!”
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Q: What did Polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?
A: A firecracker
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What do you get if you cross a stegosaurus with a firecracker?Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?A Birthday Number
A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang “Happy Birthday” to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number.
“Don’t let it bother you,” said a strange but amused voice. “You folks
need all the practice you can get.”
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Hamster Care
After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take
care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, “How many times do you think
that hamster would have died if I hadn’t looked after it?”
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, “Once?”
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This kid is not so bright. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the quarters and leaves the dollar.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store and says, “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game’s over!”
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Poor Actor
A poor actor was having trouble paying his rent. One morning his
landlady caught him in front of the building and demanded her money.
“Couldn’t you please give me a break?” begged the actor. “You know, one
day people will pass by this building, point up, and say ‘One of the
greatest actors of our generation used to live here’.”
“If you don’t pay up,” said the landlady, “they could be saying that
tomorrow.”
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Deep in the Savannah, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful.
“It’s got to be me,” said the hawk. “After all, I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey. You two can’t do that.”
“Maybe not,” said the lion, “but I am certain I’m more powerful. I am fast, have sharp teeth and claws, and besides which they call me the king of beasts!”
“Nope,” said the skunk, “got you both beat. Really. With a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you!”
At just that moment, a bear came down from one of the trees and settled the debate by eating them all — hawk…lion…and stinker.
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Danger-Seeking Dinos
Velma was taking the tour of a national park not long ago. The
ranger mentioned to the tour group that dinosaur fossils had been
found in the area.
Velma exclaimed, “Wow — I can’t believe the dinosaurs would come
this close to the highway!”
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We are giving away Willie Nelson‘s album “Ride Me Back Home” courtesy of Legacy Recordings.
Listen to Theresa Trapp Monday, June 24-Friday, June 28, 2019 for chances to call 785-628-2995 and win an album.
No age requirement to win.
Winners will need to pick up their albums at the KZ Country Studio, 2300 Hall, Hays, KS within 30 days of winning.
**********
Congratulations Pam Bieker, Jennifer Smith, Alicia Zeman, Don Burlison and Judy Arnold!
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